missing here
by winteredspark
Summary: /Fingers interwine, and thank god he's asleep so she can treasure his touch without the accompaniment of a sexual innuendo./ Or, a bedtime realization, and an ache that wasn't present before. Set after Season 3, Episode 2. Delena.
1. her

**missing **_here;_

_\_

Night, her breathing soft as rose petals. She shifts, sending her still wet hair branching out like tentacles across the surface of her pillow.

"Can't sleep?"

She jumps, nerves electrified. Her mind tugs at the image of Stefan, but he's so far away she can't remember what he looks like anymore.

"Maybe because you keep talking to me," she whispers, turning until she can see the shadowy outline of his body. Although she tries to make her voice sound irritated, she's just too tired to form a sophisticated retort; yawning, she watches the crack of light squeezing through the space between the door and the wall hit his face, illuminating sculpted sky blue eyes.

"Sorry." He sounds like he's rolling his eyes.

"Sure you are."

Sleep presses in on her, and it's too hard to keep her eyelids open. They droop like curtains. Moments pass, she listens to the ticking of the clock, then hears his soft snores. Heart aching, her fingers reach behind her, hardly daring to attempt.

_"He can be saved." _She can almost hear Damon's voice through his sleepy noises, the memories crashing, overwhelming. _"Even in his darkest place, my brother still can't let me die, so I figured I owed him the same in return. I'll help you bring him back." _

She knows he'll keep his word. Stefan will be back one day, and she'll have to let go of _this_. Her fingers skim over the skin of his bicep, her cheeks darkening, eyes storming behind closed lids. Unwillingly, this became something more than it ever should have, and she hates herself for making such a horrible mistake.

_"Yes, I worry about you. Why do you even have to hear me say it?" _How stupid she was to ask such a question, after seeing the turmoil in his eyes, those beautiful eyes. Her neck flushes, remembering his soft touch, gentler than she's ever known it. She didn't think him capable of such humanity. _"Because when I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt while he was gone."_

Her eyes burn, lips burn with the memory of his kiss, and cheeks burn as tears drip salty trails down her skin. Her fingers creep down, brushing along his chiseled arm, finally reaching his hand. Fingers interwine, and thank god he's asleep so she can treasure his touch without the accompaniment of a sexual innuendo.

She doesn't know what will happen to _this_ when Stefan returns, and it shouldn't matter.

_"Know what you're doin' there?" "It's okay to love both of them, you know." "No...I d-don't."_

She doesn't see the sapphire eyes watching her from the other side of the bed.

_-fin_**]**


	2. him

**part **_two; _

She's been doing this a lot lately.

He's turned just far enough away that she can't see him staring into the darkness, yet not far enough that he can't see those beautful eyelashes flutter as she sinks into sleep. Her fingers curl more securely around his, and she sighs not-quite happily, as though he's the closest she can come to happiness now. If he was more of a monster his dear brother assumed him to be, then he would pull away and sink his fangs into her neck, bleed her until her eyes stared - glassy - at the ceiling.

_"Because deep down inside, there is a part of you that feels for her." _Stefan's voice echoes tauntingly in his thoughts, reminding him of the days he was all too willing to hurt the girl holding his hand. His brother was always the humane one, always the one that Elena would choose, always. He was just the monster she had been forced into proximity with.

She sighs once more, turning towards him with a little puckered frown. He runs a finger absentmindedly over her lips.

"I'm not the monster," he whispers, stroking her thumb with his. "Not anymore."

Her face smoothes out just slightly, her lips moving, spelling syllables out against his finger. Eyelashes fluttering with the dreams she chases so hard to find now, Elena shifts closer to him, her cheek coming to rest against the edge of his arm. Her eyebrows furrow, and she whimpers through the unconsciousness.

"Stefan." Her voice is little above a strangled breath, struggling against reality. "He'll bring you back. He - he promised."

He brushes back her hair, his hand getting caught in a tangle. The vein throbs on his wrist, and he resists the urge to pull her hair from her scalp, watch her cry out in pain. It would be so easy, to return to what he was before, what she made him forsake.

"_They want me to be the better man, and that means I can't be who I am."_ He can still remember the way his voice trembled, how it felt like his world was spinning out of control. It's what Elena does to him. She's always wanted him to be a Stefan wannabe, an impossibility.

But, right now, they don't have to pretend. He doesn't have to be the better man, and she doesn't have to worry about her obligation to Stefan. He doesn't have to sit and watch as she loves another man, and she doesn't have to pretend like she doesn't care about him.

"Oh, Elena," he murmers, tilting her head up, his hand tucked under her chin.

His lips mold against hers, so soft, so loving - exactly what Stefan thought his brother could never achieve. It's not hard to imagine that she's kissing him back with the barest hint of pressure, the tang of jasmine light on her tongue. It's then that he feels the crimson seeping under his skin, leaving noticable lines beneath his eyes. She tastes delicious, he thinks, tongue swiping over her collarbone, but -

_no_. He's up against the windowsill, his fingers aching as they plead with him to take her hand once more. It's time to hunt, to dismiss the monster, so that he can be the man Elena needs him to be, at least until he returns his brother to her. Then it will be time for him to go, because he doesn't think he can take the sight of Elena loving anyone other than him again.

But she doesn't need to know that, not yet. Let her believe that he can be the knight in shining armor for once. Wouldn't kill to have her think highly of him for once.

"I promise," he whispers, "I'm not the monster, Elena. I'm trying, for you." And oh, does he hate fighting it.

Elena twists towards him, the sheets twisting around her legs. A small smile turns up the corners of her lips, and her blood practically sings to him. It's so masochistic of him to watch her like this, with his fangs protruding, that he can nearly laugh at it.

He cracks open the window, his sapphire eyes sliding over her face once more. They can have _this_, though she'll insist there's nothing between them, for now.

_"And that is your humanity." _


End file.
